


Amaryllis

by eternalsession



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Trans Character, also:, and her dad, so there u go, thats it its just about ran, theres small mentions of afterglow, trans!ran mitake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:26:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22220275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalsession/pseuds/eternalsession
Summary: arent u tired of being cis? dont u just want to go apeshit?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Amaryllis

Moca always would have described Ran as cumulonimbus. Both because it was true—Ran did very much remind her of a thundercloud (thunderstorm would be more accurate)—and because it always tripped people up. They’d always ask questions like “what the fuck does that mean?” and (sometimes after a quick google) “why do you know that word?” It fueled her desire to be as cryptic as she could. Truthfully she just happened to remember the word from her elementary school science class. Because it reminded her of Ran, of course. Not that she would ever tell her.

Himari would best describe Ran as a thundercloud. Partially as a joke about misfortune (the misfortune coming at the expense of only her own ego, as Ran apparently knew when and where to press her buttons), though mostly because it reminded her of the rain. She always found the rain to be comforting; as a kid she would sit near the window during thunderstorms and fall asleep to the gentle pitter patter of the droplets dancing on her window. Additionally, thunder is scary, and she sure can be a whole lot of that at times!

Tomoe would definitely describe Ran as a thundercloud. The way that Ran would sometimes growl while digging into her lower register reminded her of the sound of rumbling thunder. At times it felt like Ran simply moved faster than she could even see, let alone keep up with, like a flash of lightning. Tomoe considered herself more or less an equal to Ran, and she never thought herself lagging behind, but Ran sometimes felt like she was streaking ahead of them—like a bolt from the black.

Tsugumi would compare Ran to a thundercloud in only one way: the lightning that accompanies it. Not because of the actual bolt itself, but more how lightning is always accompanied by light. Can’t spell lightning without light, right? There was some part of her that always felt like running after a lightning bolt after only catching a glimpse of it. Sometimes Ran felt like that lightning bolt in the sky to her; an impossible goal that makes her want to stand up and fight.

Ran herself was indeed a thunderstorm. She could have lived a normal and peaceful life if she had followed that beaten path before her. That was one of the things she always thought about; even if Moca (and her mother, bless her heart) was next to her through the whole ordeal—what, with the transfer and all of that especially—what if she made the wrong choice? If she had just followed in the footsteps of her father, strolled along the brick road paved for her, became the first son to inherit the flower decoration mantle like her father and her father before him, would she be happy now?

The thunderclouds rumbled as her thoughts ran wild; she didn’t care. That clear, cloudless, blue sky suddenly filled with more and more white. White turned to grey, turned to black. Yes, naturally. There was even a part of her that didn’t even feel like she _had_ to be this way. She didn’t have the same experience that she always saw on those SNS sites where the original poster in question “always knew they were a girl” since like age six, no, none of that shit. She just woke up one day and some gears started turning in her head. That was probably when the storm clouds started to brew.

Sure, it would have been easier for her. But the rumbling in her ears would never cease. She would never have been able to bottle up a storm. She was never any good at that anyway. The furthest she got was… maybe three months? She just kept letting the storm grow and grow, until she couldn’t even hear her own thoughts over the sound of the thunder, over the sound of the lightning crashing on the pavement. No, she was not suited at all to keeping things bottled up. Neither was she suited to floral arrangement, nor was she suited to what was assigned to her at birth. Neither is she suited to dresses or pink or frills. She is Ran Mitake. Ran Mitake does whatever she wants.

The once clear blue sky is all of a sudden filled with clouds that only invite misfortune and terror. And yet, despite all of the thunder and rain, the chaos and uncertainty, it brings her comfort. Its like she’s never felt more at home. Even though that blue sky was stained black like ink, she could still see her way clearly, if not even clearer. She never had a well-planned path, never a thought of what if, never a thought before jumping out into the great beyond. If whatever she did ended up destroying her and the void swallowed her whole, then that was simply what life would be for her. She would never again be confined by the laws of logic.

The rain on her skin was her only indicator that she was still on the right path. The storm swirled around her even more, as if threatening to consume her, but even that would not deter her. No. How could it? After coming this far? She felt her lips curl into a grin, even as the tornado swirling around her rose her off the ground. The wind on her skin, the rain on her face, the rumbling thunder behind her, the flashes of lightning every so often… it made her feel alive. Truly. There was not a greater feeling in the world than this one.

Her hands responded automatically to the cues left for her by her mates. Her fingers effortlessly shredded the strings, all the while, her mind in its own world. She was as tumultuous as the thunderstorm in her head itself, not even noticing the wild grin she held on her face. As her mind faded back to reality, she realized what part she had to sing next. Ah, truly, it was awfully fitting.

“I want to show you how serious I am!”

She belted out the lyrics, not caring for the way her voice sounded. Belted wouldn’t even be the right word, no. She yelled them, at the top of her lungs. Whether that sound was good or bad, whether it was crisp or coarse, she cared not. It was how she felt, and she didn’t give a damn. That was how she rolled, after all.

Her dad once commented that she’d changed a lot since she was a kid. That wasn’t true at all. Even if there were huge physical changes, she didn’t feel any different. That wasn’t true, either, actually. She did feel different, in all sorts of ways; just that those parts of herself, those feelings, that color, was always a part of her. There was one other difference as well.

“Now it’s with all of my might instead of with fear!”

Even if the individual circumstances change, even if life becomes something different and unknown, she’ll always be herself. She’ll always be Ran, no matter where or when she finds herself.

She’ll always be the same as always.

She turned around and looked at her bandmates; the wind, the rain, the thunder, and the light. Right on beat, clutching the microphone as if for dear life, she screamed again.

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> alice inspired me to write this with her trans sayo fic. also demonladys as well for writing the first trans ran fic, so huge shoutout to them. 
> 
> amaryllis is a flower commonly associated with pride and beauty.


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